Ever Saw HAHK? Or KKHH? Or DTPH? Or HSSH? Movies long on name and short on content. If you have any intelligence to start with it would be insulted. If you don’t, good for you. You have to be dumb to appreciate it. Here is a short review on one of them. The other reviews will follow in due time.
Hum Aapke Hain Kaun (Who am I of yours?) – HAHK was a much celebrated movie in 1995 because it was considered a clean movie considering the times that it was made. It was a movie which enforced family values and tradition. Which meant that everyone including the grandparents, uncles, uncle’s dogs and uncle’s dogs’ relatives will live together in one big marriage hall. They will always be happy and smiling. They will play cricket together with the full cricketing gear (batting pads, stitched balls et al) and laugh when they get out and laugh when they don’t. The elder brother will bowl with a faulty action and the bhabhi would laugh her heads off while batting, in the meantime hitting a 6 with a mere flick of the wrists. Then Bhabhi would do a mock run up and throw the ball and bhaiyya will get out. The cute dog will do its bit as umpire holding placards saying ‘Out’, ‘Not Out’, ‘No ball’ etc. The others are only there for clapping and making noise. You will by this time be all giddy giddy with the cuteness (Sigh!!!!) of it all.
The father would be a paragon of virtue who made the marriage hall from scratch after coming into the city with nothing but peanuts. The mother would be a paragon of virtue who will have a smile for everyone including the servants. The servants would be paragons of virtue who would tell everyone who is willing to listen what paragons of virtue the father and mother are.
At the outset itself the insignificant characters will let us know that ‘Prem Bhaiyya’ is coming, so the audience should be sufficiently excited about it. Prem (Salman Khan) would generally come rotating a coat above his head. The director will make the audience sigh by having a cloth over Prem’s face in his first scene and after desperately suspenseful moments Prem’s face will be shown. The camera wont waver from his face after that scene.
The heroine (Madhuri Dixit) also will have a sufficiently suspenseful entry. Almost 80% of her face will be her teeth and that’s how it will stay throughout the duration of the movie. Even Bhabhi (Renuka Shahane) will have this medical condition.
If you happen to live anywhere near the marriage hall you wont be able to study for your exams. That’s because ‘THE FAMILY’ breaks into a song en masse at every given opportunity. They break into a song when there is an idea in the dad’s mind that his son should get married. They break into another song when the idea takes firm root. Another when the idea is spelt out to ‘THE FAMILY’. And others during engagement, marriage, first visit of in-laws etc. ( ‘Mummy, Main class mein first aaya!’ Chorus: “He Dhik tana, Dhik tana, Dhik tana” ¶¶¶).All male voices sound suspiciously similar when they sing. Even the servants are accomplished singers and end up at the feet of either Father or Mother at the end of the stanza. The dog will join in presumably looking for fallen egg pieces during the revelry.
The first 1.5 hours will go in singing, dancing and laughing. Since the director has to make it a 3 hour movie to satisfy the ‘value for money’ need of Indians, he will make it a cryathon after that. Bhabhi will fall down from the stairs and pass away (You suspect that she will be laughing in the grave as well). There will be gloom all over. The frothy song and dance will be replaced by the same song with slow violins in the background. Bhaiyya will be perennially looking at the setting sun. Prem will look gutted. Bhabhi’s sister (Madhuri Dixit) will be crying hysterically for days together. Someone will suggest that Madhuri should marry Bhaiyya to carry forward the generation. But Prem has a thing going for Madhuri and Madhuri is not exactly rejecting the advances. So there will be another round where buckets would be ordered and tears would be poured. However everything will be right in the end when bhaiyya happily forgoes marriage for his younger brother’s happiness. The violins would be replaced by drums again and a halo would develop around Bhaiyya. And ‘THE FAMILY will live happily ever after.
Disclaimer : The details may be sketchy as I could not get myself to see the entire movie despite repeated attempts with clenched teeth. But the general idea remains irrefutable.
Rating: 0/*****. If any channel is showing the movie remove it and order
3 comments:
Umm... just a thought... aren't you a decade late with the review?
Ummm... I am a decade late to blogging
Thats the most horrible review that this movie would have got..at least give it the credit of being the first in this category...
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